August 6

Today, August 6 is the day that I got the back home flight ticket and the transit place is at Japan as I wish so I can get my favorite chocolate. My flight ticket is August 28, I started worried about what else do I still have to do before I go back??? I need to finish up BL’s pen drive, give VH his graduation present, also prepare TO’s wedding present, I’m not sure I’m gonna to see him again or, but as a happiness celebration, I know I have to prepare up something for him, well, as well as MJ wedding present, I don’t know why, but I just have the feeling that I have to give them something. 

Well, looks everything there I got to do, seem like just for others, maybe I shouldn’t complain about it, because I just like to do. I really have the feeling that is not important that whether they will give me anything back or not, it just the matter of happiness while preparing the present, and also I do really want some gift back which is a sincere thank you say it deep from their heart. Well, most of the time, those people just don’t appreciate it, what can I do??? I just do whatever I can it’s no longer my problem anymore because I really can’t control people thought!!!

今天有个大发现，THT竟然是用着 Samsung GalaxyII， 那是一个很好的手机，我还是不明白，为什么他爸爸要一开始就给他用这么好的电话，那跟现在那些中国人有什么分别？？？ 就拿那个张艺晶来说，我以前没有那么看不起她，可是她竟然去骂她们自己中国的选手，她可能不知道，要把自己训练成一个奥运选手是不简单的吧！！！ 不用怎么讲，拿不到金牌可能是你技不如人，但是他们也有是一定的厉害才可以进到奥运的，不要拿成绩来做标准，不要再一知半解的情况下胡乱说没大脑的话！！！ 因为妳们都是在网络上评论再评论，除了一直的批评别人难道你们还会什么？？？ 除非你自己是真的比别人好几百倍，要不然不要再说那些小孩子才会说的话！！！

August 5

Do you guys always have the feeling like “actually I don’t want to be like this” but you still do it. I was supposed to wake up early to do my laundry but I woke up late and I feel very lazy to do something. I always ask myself, why am I so lazy, I’m very lazy to do anything, anything in my life. I think this happened is because I don’t have the motive to live, I don’t have the motive to do anything.

Last time, before my graduation I already said that I don’t want to graduate because I know I will have nothing to do after my graduation. At the old time, I still have to motive to score every of my homework and as well as my test. As a stubborn person like me, I always aim for perfect score. Same as the way I play games, I will keep playing till I get the perfect score, I won’t allow myself to have any expert or goal score, I don’t why but I just don’t like it. I always try to force myself to gain perfect score. I know sometimes it just won’t happen but I will try my best. So, sometimes if I didn’t get what I want, I will upset for a very long time and I always promise myself I have to get the best on the next time.

Well, that’s just me. I will change any of my personality to please others but I won’t change this because it really can’t be change and I believe the advantage of this is way pass better than the disadvantage of it. Yah, because of this I always force myself to do the best. 

I believe if there’s one day that I success I will thank all those people that look down at me and also those people that always talk back about me. Actually I would like to have those people come straight to me and tell what’s the problem between us because if you never tell me, I will never know. I’m not any part of your body, how am I gonna to know how you think about me and what I did wrong. Also, if I know that’s wrong why am I still doing it??? Which doesn’t make sense, right??? 

有些事情，你现在不去做，你迟早都要去做。假如你现在有那个时间，为什么你不要去完成它呢？？？ 等，等，等。。。你真的要等到明国几年呢？？？ 我承认我也是这样的人，可以拖的东西，我一定拖到最后一刻。。。可是我在这里的时间已经不多了。。。 能够留给他的就只是这些过去的考试纸，而且我也相信以他的聪明再加上这些，他一定可以全部都拿A的。。。 有种感觉，为什么我那么疼他啊？？？

就当最后的礼物吧！！！  反正我都没有送过什么好的东西给他！！！

【Movie｜电影】August 4

I just woke up damn early today, it was just 830am and I was up... What to do when you woke up that early??? I just went to storage to get my GRE deck card try to retype everything in my Ipad so I can those things away. It’s not kind of wasting, is just that I know I can’t bring so much stuffs back to my hometown. Scanning, copying...damn a lot to do. But I also all of these will easy my life in the future, that’s what people do to transfer everything to computer and I can say that is much more systematic!!!

You know what??? People really totally relay on internet. I’m not sure this is good or not but I just move in this place without proper internet. It doesn’t have wifi which means my Iphone, Ipad are totally dead... I can’t even play online game or watch videos online. Well, with the cable, the line still very slow which means I still can’t do anything. So the only thing I can do is keep writing or watching movie. Thank God that I got a lot of movies from LingKit, I really don’t what to do then. To be honest, he has damn a lot of movies. Before it I have been watching movies on HBO, but it keeps repeat the same movie again, again and again. I really don’t understand why they like to repeat the movie so many times in a day...

Really, that’s nothing for me to do in this freaking place without internet!!! I really want internet to say something. I admit that I really like to talk, talk a lot of stuffs, erm, I might talk a lot to stranger but once I know you, I will seriously talk a lot like nonstop. Well, what to do...that’s just my personality. As people always say if you couldn’t accept the worst of this person, you won’t deserve the best of this person.

HBO在播这一部关于病毒的戏，当一个人有着健健康康的身体时，他会觉得世界上最重要的东西是金钱。。。但当一个人生病时，金钱，纸币对他们来说就只是一堆废纸。。。在那时他们才看到健康的可贵，所以人时时都会遇上很矛盾的事！！！

另外我还看了一部有关于现在那些有公主病，王子病的人。。。我很承认的说我以前真的有很严重的公主病，但我现在也可以很大声的说我已经没有那么严重了。

但现在看到那些真的全身名牌的80和90年代的人。。。真的好奇，为什么他们一定要用名牌呢？？？ 现在有很多用名牌的人都没有礼貌，不孝顺，自以为了不起。。。搞到我有时都觉得那个牌子都被他们给用坏了，是父母的错吗？？？

父母当然扮演这重要的角色，因为父母从小就是孩子的榜样。其实我觉得东西你可以用最好的，可是不要自以为了不起，除了你的父母这个世界上没有人是欠了你的！！！ 世界也没有围着你而转！！！

有时有种感觉很想写书，很想写一些由我自己经历的事情来告诉别人，有时很不想别人走我以前走过的错。。。 以前白痴的事情说出来，都不知道好笑还是好哭好！！！ 

小时候，真的一直想着童话，这个世界上真的有童话吗？？？ 那我的白马王子在哪里？？？ 我的王子是不是失踪了？？？ 没有王子的存在，所以女孩子门请不要再胡思乱想。。。 电视剧里的童话剧情是不会出现在这个显示的世界，因为现在所谓的白马王子真的把自己当成了王子，非常自以为了不起的外貌协会。。。

看女生都是先看胸然后再看脸，对他们来说性格好不好并不重要。。。相反的女生也一样，可是这样的外貌协会的选来选去那几时才选到？？？ 所以韩国发明了一种很厉害的发明那就是整容，现在的人整容得每一个人得脸几乎都一模一样，鼻子高，大眼睛，樱桃嘴，明明身体很小很瘦但是全身就唯独胸很大。。。有点不对称。。。可是对男生来说那都无所谓，只要我有得炫就好了！！！

August 3

What am I gonna to do today is I’m gonna to post all my dairies here on my blogger, just feel like I didn’t update it for so long. Well, I’m not sure is there anyone really read my blog or not...but for those who really read it, I’m really appreciate it because whatever I wrote maybe might not be interesting to you but it’s just part of my life.

I remember I used to post a lot just to vent everything. I used vent everything in my life and never appreciate what I have. I used to keep complaining ELC has so wonderful, she has so many guys chasing her in one time and I was just being a clown beside her. After that is SLL then follow by EHY. I feel like I just drag those innocent people here to complain about them. Actually they did nothing bad, just that in those guys’ eyes they are their dream girl or angel something like that. They are interested in them of course they want to chase them which is make sense BUT it doesn’t make sense to me last time because everything in my eye is WHY? WHY? WHY? why they treat me like that??? Well, obviously I’m not their target, why should they treat me as they treat them...

All I want to say is, YAH!!! I admit that I was really very childish and very bad tempered. Well, who doesn’t have their past??? Everything just past tense, I know what I did wrong but those are already become history what can I do to change it??? All can I do now is just try to make my future better, try to live better and stop venting because I think the vent thing is really annoying sometimes...

I always regret what I did last time... But what can I do??? I can’t do anything, people they already treat me like that... Those countless people that really hate me. They hate me because of my personality...and they angry at me...just very angry at me...and tell everyone not to be friend with me because I’m just very annoying... Oh, well!!! What am I supposed to do??? 

Like SK, I don’t know what’s wrong with you??? I hate you because you did some stupid thing to my friend. You purposely call MTE to go get the key from you at the bus stop and then go to Battle Creek Airport to take your boyfriend. Well, is seem like nothing wrong with it, right??? But the thing is this SK girl she barely talk to MTE, maybe just Hi or Bye when they see each other, and just one day, she ask people to do this for her for a Hi, Bye friend. Also, I was angry that she should get someone closer to help her, don’t tell me she doesn’t have any friend. Well, I bet she has much more friend than me who willing to help her this stupid thing for her than I do. And the funny thing is MTE doesn’t really know Dahson(don’t know how to spell his name, but anyway is not important) and it was their first met... I was really speechless because this SK, is she really LIKE to study that much??? Until she doesn’t want to miss her class and that’s what she gonna to do. Oh well, you guys think maybe after that SK will buy dinner or lunch for MTE so is just a small thing, why should I so obsessive about it. Apparently, she DID NOTHING. After MTE dropped out her DJ, SK no longer see MTE again or do what... Oh, I forgot she did something...she just go to see YS every week or twice a month, I think she might vent or talk to her, just really stupid this girl, this doesn’t mean anything, but just that every time she came over it always look like she is the unhappiness people in the world from her face!!!

Second, seriously I was much more angry about this, I really remember this very well because she really never think about others that’s why  make me really angry at her. That was one year Mid-West game, this SK girl wants to see her boyfriend to play the football game and she follows him all the way to Perdue support him. Well, she found a transport to get there she should think about the transport to get back too BUT apparently she is not... She followed somebody there whose gonna to stay longer... You know what, this girl she has test on the next two days or three days, and what she gonna to do??? Here she comes again, apparently, ELC was so unlucky, she just stay beside SK room, and this SK, what she gonna to do is KEEP BEGGIN ELC to go home early then she can study for her test...is that insane??? One more thing, she and ELC also Hi, Bye friend...that’s what she did, she never feel embarrassed of what she had done. Oh, well...apparently, my friend, ELC is a very nice person PLUS this SK keep on ask her to go home early. OMG!!! People want to go home early or not is non of your business why you keep on ask people to the thing for you when it is inconvenient for others??? Really this girl, I really don’t know what she was thinking about??? Just about herself??? her test??? Girl, you are not like queen or what??? People didn’t owe you anything to do anything you!!! I know ELC also said that she supposed bring the books along to study there because she wasn’t there to have any competition, she just be there to support. Oh, you know what??? They still lost the game, so really, her support for HER SUPER BOYFRIEND isn’t help at all...stupid!!!

I know all these incidents had been happened in years. I know I shouldn’t mind it at all because they didn’t mind it too. But I just don’t like people to take the advantage of my friends...

其实无论命运怎样的安排，我都相信其实你肯努力希望永远是在的。曾经有听过机会是给准备好的人，有些人只是等待机会的到来，可是有远见或厉害的人他们会创造机会，因为他们知道天不会跌钱下来给你的，如果你一直的等，那么你又要等到几时呢？？？

所以有些事情是要靠你自己去争取的。所以有些人为了创造机会，他们学会了不折手段，不折手段的达到目的。俗语说人爬得越高越看不到下面的人的辛苦，就好像一些老板不知道员工的辛苦那样！！！

但假如精明的生意人他们就会觉得在战场上应该多一个伙伴或朋友好过多一个敌人。所谓风水轮流转今天他被你踩在底下，谁知哪一天他会在你的头上呢？？？ 所以做人最好不要狗眼看人低，知道吗？？？

August 2

What a poor day, ELC woke up late because got not enough sleep and she was in a very bad tempered mood all the day... Don’t even dare to do anything to her...

Well, what I want to say is I was very hungry and she told she will text me what to eat later... But I waited till 7 something and she still hasn’t text me so I decided to cook my own noodle...

Blame who??? Out of sudden really feel like I want to go home, I believe I won’t be like this if I’m back in my home town...

今天冒充杨紫璐的人把它的性别改去男生。。。真的很奇怪。。。不明白这些人到底在想什么？？？ 他们中国的风气都被他们这种人给腐败掉。。。

我觉得中国跟马来西亚没有什么分别，两个都一直自以为自己很厉害可是实际上什么一点都不是。。。

中国人都以为他们在奥运上拿到很多奖就证明他们很厉害很强大，其实这只是代表他们体育上的厉害，并不代表他们所有的东西都很厉害。。。

就那在微博的人来说。。。我承认我也是有那种很想出名的人。。。可是，我不会以不成熟的方法来出名。。。我讨厌女生因为我讨厌女生的懦弱，装可爱，让人觉得反胃。。。

我欣赏独立有性格的女生。。。装可爱真的很让人顶不顺。。。难道男生都喜欢这样的女生？？？ 你们未免太低俗了？？？

其实我也好不到别人哪里去。。。我以前做人也很失败。。。我常骂人用 google translate， 我记得我以前也是有用，只是最近我的英文才进步了一点点而已。。。

可是，他们可不可以不要强调说这句华语是那句英语的翻译呢？？？

August 1

1st of August, finally got my car done and get to go Starbucks to have my hot white chocolate... Is been three days that I didn’t get to Starbucks. First time, I was too tired to go out after moving house. Second was my car... I know right, tell me about it, my car, my car...again, again and again... Seriously, that’s not what I want... It’s just come to me, what can I do???

Oh well, today I found interesting stuff on my weibo account, but in order to tell the story I have to type it in Chinese so it will be much more understandable...

1sun3是我本来的微博名字，但是为了不必要的麻烦，我开了另外一个account好让我可以与所欲为，说什么大便都可以。。。

我看人没有很准，可是跟踪了杨紫璐这么久，多多少少都有些概念。。。

本来的杨紫璐是炒作，可是这个更无聊，她是一个利用杨紫璐来出名的人。。。其实也有可能是因为我也是这样的人，所以我的思穗是跟她们一样，我可以猜到她们大概在想什么。。。

但有种感觉，我总觉得这个冒充货是个男的，可是她的语调又像个女生。。。让我很想做个侦探去查出真相。。。

我在我的微博说出她们种种的目的和原因。。。还有在她的微博指证她用Google Translate。。。 的确，她是真的有用的。。。看她翻译的东西，她还以为她自己在show英语。。。Oh well, my English is not that good also... but you can just say it don’t use Google Translate because it just so dumped... I should just post something here...just incase she like to delete her post time... But I do like to say one thing, I always wonder why is she so free to look up for a pretty girl and just stole the picture and pretend is her picture... There might be just one reason which is she is too ugly to face everybody...XD!!!

July 31

Just get out from my house, and you know what I saw??? I saw a flat tire on the front left side of my car... Seriously, what the heck??? I really hate there’s something happened to my car. Can’t really remember how much I spent on this car, I just lost the count because it was just too much of it. Stupid KSY sold me a broken car that make me keep waste my money to fix it... Oh well, to think positively is just another way to learn more about car not to get cheated next time, maybe is just kind of an experience...

To be honest, I purposely woke up damn early just to get really. Well, my car again just to screw me up... What??? So, I just stay at home and scanning those stuffs. First, of course it’s for myself. Second is for BL. I always ask myself, why am I still do stuff for him while he just not appreciate whatever shit that I did for him. Maybe I’m just a passenger for him, just his another human toy in his university life...

看了哥哥给的书，却有点启发，不再一直转牛角尖一直想不好的。其实，每次帮人也不是因为要得到别人的报答或心安理得而已。。。那也是一种说不出来的动西。。。

别人常问我，为什么要帮别人。。。老实说我不知道。。。可能每次看到他们没有人帮时，我就想到我自己曾经也一样。。。我只是不喜欢看别人跟我经历同样的东西。。。

说是笨，可是那又怎样。。。我问心无愧，因为错的不是我，而是别人的不珍惜。。。或许有一天他们会发现，或许不会。。。

做人，帮人本来就不应该讲求回报的，不是吗？？？

July 30

Is been five days that I haven’t post anything because I was busy packing, busy packing to move to Value Place which is a place like a hotel something that can allow me to stay in for a month. According to Eling this place is kind of cheaper a bit than Copper Beach because I don’t have to pay for the electric bill here. Well, is true that I have to try to stay warm in Copper Beach last time in order to save the electric bill, and I understand that I didn’t earn the money so I won’t allow myself to waste the money. 

This is the video that I took before I left. It’s kind of have a bit of memory for me and Brandon. I have the feeling that once I leave the house, I didn’t owe him anything more. I’m organizing my stuff and also scan everything to him. That’s gonna be the last thing that I left for him. Maybe he deserve to have someone better. What a loser try to say something convince  myself...

I have a question here... do you guys know what to do when you know that your best friend is dating your boyfriend which is kind of insane but I also know that the feeling just pop up and you can’t control yourself. 

There’s a lot of coincidence like best friend know your boyfriend first they had the feeling toward each other and just that they didn’t let you know or maybe they fell in love when they first met. You know, sometimes things just happened without informing or warning you before it happened...

Also, I always have the feeling that don’t get a best friend which way much more better than you, who knows there might a day that your boyfriend will fall in love in her which bring also if it’s you then it’s you, no one can take it away from you... 

My Mr. Right, where are you??? I really wish you are here when I see couple acting sweet in front of me which is I don’t know what to do. Like just sit there and act nothing and just sit there see how sweet they are and at that moment you just turn into a dead item because they are too sweet and they didn’t even realize that you are just sit beside them... I always want to say “can you guys just keep these sweet things among yourself and don’t bring it up when your friends are around you because your friends, they might not know how to react!!!” What??? Act like an idiot or interrupt you guys... No matter what you do, it’s still sound stupid!!! I really hate couple maybe just because I’m always alone and I can really say it loudly, everyone around me, they all have boyfriend but even they don’t have one, they always have the guys who will do whatever for me... But for me, I seriously got nothing... I always want a person to help but there is nobody around...which sounds really sad but actually is not because I always find a reason for myself to think that actually it’s not sad because there must be someone that has a much more awfully than myself...

开始应该忘记以前的所有，真的希望我能够再遇到一个更好的，我好像每次遇到的都不爱我的。我都是在看他们怎样去追其他的女生，或许独立的女生真的会比较吸引吧！！！ 无论怎样，我身边的人都一直的很完美，她们的完美让我看到我有数不完的缺点。。。 我不温柔也不善解人意，有谁会要我这样普通的女朋友，在我身上一个会令人爱上我的原因都没有。。。

以前依凌的完美而遭到三四个男生的追求，而我只是旁边的一个没人要的电灯泡！！！ 再来思玲的更完美，我又再次成为他们身旁的讨厌虫！！！ 然后，到EHY，见过几次面而已，JWL就喜欢她，他说她很可爱。。。

不明白为什么别人都是会比我好，难道我真的没有一样会让人喜欢上我的吗？  我真的很妒忌，没有必要去隐藏或去讲骗话。。。 因为我真的很羡慕。。。 所以我很努力的去改变可是无论我怎么改变，结果还是一样。。。还是继续的看别人的怎么的相爱或吵架，其实吵架也是一种情趣。而我半个要跟我吵架的都没有。。。

很多人都说不知道为什么那些人要去自杀。。。其实我很明白因为他们是愤世，他们对所有的东西都绝望，他们看不到他们的前面的希望。。。 我有时也这样所以我很了解他们。。。

真的很想很想有一个人可以对我好。。。有时候，真的坚强不来！！！  忍着哭，忍着所有东西，忍着自己一个人。。。很想要有一个人来抱着我，不用多说，只要抱着我就可以了。。。因为身体还有一个人让我依靠！！！ 我常觉得是不是我的无所谓让别人认为，就算这样对我，我也会觉得无所谓。。。

我只是想要一个拥抱，难道真的那么难吗？？？ 在戏里面，无论剧情发展都怎样，他们最后永远都在一起，那么我的最后结局在哪里？？？ 

是不是因为我以前的脾气很差，所以我不值得拥有一个好的呢？？？ 

July 25

7:45 - 起床和准备 wake up and get ready

昨天差不多一点多才睡觉，早上都有一点不想起来。每天都失眠，搞到我早上都起不来了。。。但是起来过后，我还来得及准备午餐，那就是Italian Style Meatball

Insomnia again, I think I almost sleep around one something. Seriously, I don’t understand why I got insomnia and can’t sleep at night. I guess maybe I really think too much and make can’t fall asleep at night. But the weird thing is I always fell asleep in day time. Even I woke up a bit late but I still be able to make Italian Style Meatball for my lunch later.

9:05 - 准备出门 going out

本来8:24准备出门，但是ELC突然send了一封短讯来说。。。我在想这家伙一定是睡迟了！！！

8:24, I able to make it before 8:30 to get out from my house. But the funniest thing is ELC text me ask me to wait. Guess what, I think she overslept...

9:22 - 到达Starbucks at Starbucks

到了Starbucks就收到碧晶的电话，她尽然跟我说那我不要去拿信让我拿不到master，这样我就可以回去了。。。有必要吗？？？

After entered into Starbucks, I just realized that I forgot to bring my phone. When I get back to ELC’s car to get my phone and just on time my sister called me. Yah, that’s what she told me that she wants me to go back and mentioned she that she hope that I won’t get into grad school so I can go back... Seriously, what kind of sister is this, want me to back by hoping that I can’t get into grad school. But so and so, I believe that they really miss me so they want me to go back.

10:01 - 到达学校 on campus 

到了学校过后，在途中看到地上很多蚂蚁。。。搞到我当场大喊。。。真是的！！！

Just reached campus and on the way to Haenicke Hall, there was a lot of ants on the pathway...is so disgusting...I don’t really hate bugs but I hate when they all gather together like whole bunch of ants appear on one time.

11:10 - 吃午饭时间 time for lunch

ELC尽然跟我说“表姐你好野”不好看，而我却觉得他们演得很白痴！！！

Time for lunch, is that too early...I guess so, but this girl she wants to have lunch that early because she didn’t have her breakfast in this morning and she has to go to class later.

12:00 - 午餐中 still having lunch

还在吃午餐，算是吃得慢了的，因为我每次吃东西都吃很快的，忽然间很想念云吞面咯！！！

I haven’t finish my lunch, I think I’m still full from the hot white chocolate from this morning

13:00 - Bones

我要快点把Bones看完啊！！！我发决啊，我越来越喜欢英语，因为我打华语字真的比以前慢很多，而且一直都拼不到音，有时真的很无奈！！！

I’m watching Bones Seasons 5 Episode 14. It’s about a man that has horn on his head which they mean it looks like evil for them. Seriously, for me, you won’t know the inside of the person by looking at their appearance. Because...in order to survive in this society, we have to be very mature in everything which means that you can’t show your unhappy face to your friends, colleague, well and your boss as well. From what I learn from last time, if you show your unhappy to those people that around you...and what’s gonna to happen to you is non of your friend will stay close with you...like last time, see how HuaSet, KongSiew, Lance and AdrianLee... I believe I won’t forget what they did to me...because of my stupid childish tempered so they decide to revenge me back by torture and bully me... But seriously, those stupid things that I did last time is really very childish...

14:09 - Bones Season 5 Episode 15

很累，每次都很懒惰，可是东西还有很多很多要做！！！

Actually, I was trying to work on the gift but I think I have enough pages for it so that’s why I continue to watch this good drama series!!!

July

随着2012十二月21日的世界末日预言的到来，我想开始记录我每一个小时在那里和谁一起和做什么。。。

Since the 2012 December 21st is the end of the world, so I decide to record every second of everything that happened to me...