August 5

Do you guys always have the feeling like “actually I don’t want to be like this” but you still do it. I was supposed to wake up early to do my laundry but I woke up late and I feel very lazy to do something. I always ask myself, why am I so lazy, I’m very lazy to do anything, anything in my life. I think this happened is because I don’t have the motive to live, I don’t have the motive to do anything.

Last time, before my graduation I already said that I don’t want to graduate because I know I will have nothing to do after my graduation. At the old time, I still have to motive to score every of my homework and as well as my test. As a stubborn person like me, I always aim for perfect score. Same as the way I play games, I will keep playing till I get the perfect score, I won’t allow myself to have any expert or goal score, I don’t why but I just don’t like it. I always try to force myself to gain perfect score. I know sometimes it just won’t happen but I will try my best. So, sometimes if I didn’t get what I want, I will upset for a very long time and I always promise myself I have to get the best on the next time.

Well, that’s just me. I will change any of my personality to please others but I won’t change this because it really can’t be change and I believe the advantage of this is way pass better than the disadvantage of it. Yah, because of this I always force myself to do the best. 

I believe if there’s one day that I success I will thank all those people that look down at me and also those people that always talk back about me. Actually I would like to have those people come straight to me and tell what’s the problem between us because if you never tell me, I will never know. I’m not any part of your body, how am I gonna to know how you think about me and what I did wrong. Also, if I know that’s wrong why am I still doing it??? Which doesn’t make sense, right??? 

有些事情，你现在不去做，你迟早都要去做。假如你现在有那个时间，为什么你不要去完成它呢？？？ 等，等，等。。。你真的要等到明国几年呢？？？ 我承认我也是这样的人，可以拖的东西，我一定拖到最后一刻。。。可是我在这里的时间已经不多了。。。 能够留给他的就只是这些过去的考试纸，而且我也相信以他的聪明再加上这些，他一定可以全部都拿A的。。。 有种感觉，为什么我那么疼他啊？？？

就当最后的礼物吧！！！  反正我都没有送过什么好的东西给他！！！