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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

【Thoughts|想法】Filial Piety, yes or no?? | 孝顺还是不孝顺?

Remember the I've almost the same topic like this, but this's not about that, is about some contradictions!! I've a friend who have started working after SPM because she got to be her family financial main support, even when she's in secondary she's already has a work as part time job because her parents no longer give her pocket money since Form 1! She has to support not only parents but also a younger brother who has already like kind of gangster (dark society), stopped school in primary school and only go back home to ask for money, if can't get any money from her parents, he'll even break into her room to take whatever he can take from it!! Her parent won't even stop him because he's the only son for them, so ya!! This's Chinese family very old fashion cultural apparently... Previously she got kind of serious injured from her work, affect that she has to stop for more then a month to recovered it, needless to count on the payment for the medicine...her parent is no longer working, basically once she stops working her family will be have no income!! The worst case is when everyday she just stepped into her house, no even take off her shoes, her mom would say I've no more money, the thing is she still did give monthly expenses to her mom punctually, or maybe can say it clearly as her mom treat her as an moving ATM machine!! Ever since she's young, she has some relatives willing to help her family on the financial support, but getting more and more longer, they've fed up with it and even be honest to her saying that you're already grown up, you can leave the family anytime as you want, we won't blame you!! (Forgot to mention she has an elder sister who has already married and no one knows when she went because she never came back)

Sometimes I felt like the word filial piety as we Chinese call it "孝顺" (xiao shun) does it inclusive everything, as like some cases like these no matter what???
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不管是欢喜台的八点半档的连续剧《父与子》还是生活里周围人的人生生活里永远都会离不开孝顺的情节!爸爸换上痴呆症,因没有人照顾而被送进安养院,看起来子女好像很不孝,但假如不这样又好像会让子女们没办法工作。。。

那是电视剧里面的情节,真实生活里也是会有这样都一直处于孝顺与不孝顺的情节。。。我有个朋友,中学时期就必须自己出外打工养家,所以中学后都没有再继续升学了!陆陆续续的她家一家四口,爸爸妈妈和弟弟,都是靠她一份工钱来维持生活,爸爸妈妈已年纪大无工作,弟弟小学就弃学,近几年还进入了黑社会(其实她不说,我都不知道现在的社会还有黑社会的!)有一次因工而受伤,导致她无法工作一个月多,手停口停的状态,还要加上看受伤的医药费,真是数目一笔一笔的来算,真是算也算不完!回家还没进家门,鞋子还没脱妈妈就仿如当她是活动提款机一样说家里钱用完了,没有钱了,问题是她每个月都有定时给固定的家用给父母。。。到底钱去了哪里呢?弟弟还会不时回家掏钱,父母因为重男轻女的关系所以一定会给弟弟钱,有时候钱拿不到还会进我朋友房间看什么东西可以拿的就拿掉,手提电脑,充电器,食物零食,零钱,甚至公仔洋娃娃都不放过!身边的亲戚本来在她小时候就会不时帮助她家里脱离经济的困境,但久而久之他们也慢慢的放弃了,而且还坦诚对我朋友说你现在已经大了,即使你离家出走,我们也不会怪你! (忘了说她有一位姐姐,自从结婚嫁了出去后,没有人知道她去了哪里,因为她从来没有回家过!)

孝顺这个字是包含所有?包含一切的包容及义无反顾吗?

28 comments:

  1. Is this your friend whom you told me about when we were having our tomyam lunch? The one with a back-pain and needs surgery? Hmm, I don't know what to say, but I think I'd have a good talk with mum & brother & even big sis, to let them know the situation, and to share responsibilities and all.. I know it's not easy, but she needs to try to talk to the family, at least..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But since big sis went away and nobody knows where she is, then maybe your friend will just have to talk to the mum and brother.. Ok, maybe brother is hopeless, so only the mum left.. If I'm her, I'd tell mum not to make me "chong for" or "teng mm soon", if not, I'd pack my bags and leave..
      But I think your friend won't do that coz I think she is a nice person, filial to her parents, like you said..

      Delete
    2. But we can only read, maybe give (our own) suggestions, but cannot judge too much kua.. Leave it to your friend to decide what to do lor..

      Delete
    3. Yah, she's the one!! Her parent won't even listen, always just don't understand! The mother even asked my friend not to married just to be there stay with them and take care of them!! =[

      I also don't know how, I was just have the moment the write about this! =]

      Delete
  2. I chose to read your Chinese version this time, as I think you'd be able to express more precisely about this topic

    孝順父母是天經地義, 不過凡事也是有個限度.. 做父母的, 如果不能夠體諒自己的兒女, 那我是覺得他們也不怎麼值得去讓人孝順吧?? 你的朋友是要孝順沒錯, 不過不是在還債, 至少那個不長進的弟弟, 是時侯放手了.. 我不是要教唆啦, 只是覺得也夠了吧??

    anyway 家家有本難念的經 it's difficult and not right for us to just comment..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha!!! Because when come to this very 文艺topic!! I write better in Chinese, haha!!

      I also told her let go her brother, and so does she, just that her father and mother, is very very helpless on this, just kept on remaining spoilling their so !! =[

      Delete
  3. 孝顺与愚孝是很难訣择的...所以个人思想成熟度很重要.但当面对問题时...那个是雙亲是長辈,下一个决定确实不易.但人生就是不停考验,只希望雨后仍有晴天.
    你很年轻也会看福建台喔.:P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 我也这么希望,但不知道她的晴天何时到罢了!

      哈哈哈!那是因为我妈妈都在看啊!没办法!! =]

      Delete
  4. If the parents are taking advantage of her , where sadly could be due to the old school thinking of prejudice against daughters , then that's not filial piety. Why the parents don't work as well as get the useless son out to earn money ? They want him to become a gangster ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her parents are kinda of old can't work much, and no one wants to hired them also!!! Because he's the only boy child for them, so they just let the son to do whatever he wants!! =[

      Delete
  5. 世界上什么形形色色的人都有,无不稀奇。
    不过看到你朋友的例子还真的为你朋友打包不平,但是家家有本难念的经,我们也无法帮上什么。
    希望往后的日子会更好吧。

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 真的什么都帮不到,但又看到很无奈!!! =[

      Delete
  6. 道理是随着处境变化的
    所谓孝顺,是考验自己对父母的爱
    过多,过少都不好
    就像是父母应该宠爱孩子,而不是溺爱孩子的道理是一样的

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 人生每天都在变化,每天都在学习,有种学习,好像怎样做都不对似的!

      Delete
  7. Sorry to hear that... she must be a very strong lady.. the burdens are sure not light.. very heavy indeed... hope she finds a solution soon... now being sick too... if not sick, then should go somewhere and work and send home money instead... at least not so stressed up...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yah, she's pretty tough also, luckily she didn't fall when she's sick!!

      Delete
  8. 孝顺愚孝,一字之差,一念之间啊!我们无法帮别人做选择,也很难去judge这件事,只能说,长大了要懂得如何取舍。希望你朋友幸福!

    ReplyDelete
  9. 家家有本难念的经。如果是我,不会把所有的钱都给家里。希望你朋友康复后自己好好想一想。如果弟弟开始做工,就一起分担吧

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 弟弟会这样想,她真的会谢天谢地,但那是很难的吧~~~

      Delete
  10. If comment purely based on what you describe, the brother is the root cause. The parents and the brother are a packaged deal, since the parents will just let him do as he like. So long as that char siew is still around, it is difficult to do anything.
    Say she move out and just give money to the parents monthly, in no time the brother will come back and wallop everything. Then how? It is not even possible to ensure that her parents can survive by themselves.
    I don't know how, since the brother will probably not listen as he is "gangster" now, but if she is going to remain part of the family, first thing still need to "settle" that brother.. good luck to your friend..

    话说回来,虽然说做人要孝顺,不过面对这种状况,如果换做是我,大概早就顶不顺跑路了。。。

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 哈哈哈,我其实也是会这样,但那个心就是会心过意不去。。。

      Delete
  11. Hard to say, every family has their own problems. Starts from the very beginning - from birth, the upbringing - not just the daughter...but the parents' own upbringing too. How they treat their own daughter may be influenced by how they themselves were brought up...and how their daughter will treat her own may reflect the same - the vicious cycle continues unless she realises it and the buck stops there. But nothing she can do now to change the parents, they were brought up that way - to err is human, to forgive is divine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yah, I brought up this is to show others as well, don't always they're so unlucky or somewhat, they're still many people have to deal with problems everyday!!

      Delete
  12. As long as your friend loves her parents she will still be the only breadwinner in the family. Did she say she is doing all this based on xiao shun or based on love?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No la, for her she just thinks that's what she suppose to do as a daughter!!

      Delete

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